Transcript (See below for credits.)

~~ Introduction

Snufflefungus: Malex, Malex! It’s your birthday, Malex!

Malex: Why, so it is, Snufflefungus!

Linus: (Laughs derisively.) You’re old now!

Malex: Twenty-two? How is that old?

Linus: If you have to ask, it means you’re already too senile to understand the answer!

Malex: I think you’ve forgotten how to understand numbers again.

Linus: (Defensive) Shut up! I don’t do that!

Snufflefungus: Malex?

Malex: Yes, Snufflefungus?

Snufflefungus: Do you want to do something for your birthday?

Malex: Actually, I do.

Snufflefungus: (Excited) Ooh, can we go to the Cheesy Pizza Fun Joint, where they have bad food and scary, scary robot animals playing music?

Malex: I don’t–

Snufflefungus: What about the theater with the sticky floors and the 24-hour arcade?

Malex: That’s not–

Snufflefungus: What about the theme park with the half-mile, upside-down roller coasters?

Linus: Snuffy, shut up and let the man say what he wants!

Snufflefungus: (Undiminished happiness.) Sorry, I’m just excited.

Malex: Actually, you know, I got that new book, and I– I’ve really been wanting to read it. So, for my birthday, I think I would like a day of peace and quiet so I can read my book.

Snufflefungus: Really?

Linus: I was wrong. Snuffy, keep making suggestions. They might jump-start his aging brain.

Snufflefungus: (Timidly) Water park?

Malex: (Laughs parentally.) No guys, really, I just want some peace and quiet. A rest from our disproportionately exciting lives would be a most welcome birthday gift.

Linus: Okay, Malex. Snuffy and I will leave you alone. Enjoy your quiet! Come on, Snufflefungus.

~~ Linus and Snufflefungus leave the room.

Snufflefungus: Where are we going, Linus?

Linus: Okay, sidekick huddle.

Snufflefungus: Are we sidekicks?

Linus: (Conspiratorially low voice.) Malex is only saying he wants peace and quiet because he doesn’t want to be a burden on us! So he’s sitting in there, getting more and more disappointed in us every minute something amazing doesn’t happen!

Snufflefungus: (Gasps) Oh no! What can we do?!

Linus: We’ll need to try and figure out what he really wants.

Snufflefungus: How?

Linus: He might be sending us hints by what book he’s reading! Did you see what it was called?

Snufflefungus: Murder on Some Train.

Linus: Which train?

Snufflefungus: I don’t know, that was the title!

Linus: Oh. (Skeptical) Do you think he wants there to be a murder in this house?

Snufflefungus: (Hesitantly.) I don’t think so…

Linus: Darn it all, what can we do to Malex on his birthday!

Snufflefungus: Hush, Linus, he’ll hear you!

Linus: Well, what can we do?

Snufflefungus: What if we hire a balloon, attach it to the house, and fly to South America for an adventure?

Linus: Eh, already been done. Besides, this house is too rickety to handle the stress.

Snufflefungus: We could go to that crazy museum again.

Linus: Too frightening.

Snufflefungus: Paintballing?

Linus: Too messy.

Snufflefungus: Volcano bowling?

Linus: Too pedestrian.

Snufflefungus: Bungee Jumping?

Linus: Perfect! Let’s call and see if it’s an option.

Snufflefungus: Okay!

~~ They call Bunge-Of Madness

Representative: (Weary.) Hello and thank you for calling Bunge-Of Madness, what can we do for you?

Snufflefungus: (Cheerful) Hi!

Representative: Hi.

Snufflefungus: We want a bungee jump for my friend! He’s having a birthday today, and he wants excitement!

Representative: Oh, we’ve got excitement.

Snufflefungus: Great! Now, there’s just one thing. My friend, he doesn’t like to admit that he wants excitement. So we want to surprise him with this bungee jump.

Representative: And how exactly do you plan to do that?

Snufflefungus: He’s in the living room reading right now. Could you come over and make a trap door open underneath his chair?

Representative: A trap door?

Snufflefungus: Yes! I think that would be very exciting. And if you set everything up very quietly, he wouldn’t suspect a thing!

Representative: Listen, honey, if you want to bungee jump, we can set an appointment for you to come out some time after next week. Otherwise, I can’t help you.

Snufflefungus: So, no trap door?

Representative: No trap door.

Snufflefungus: Okay then, thanks for your time!

~~ Snuffy hangs up the phone.

Linus: So surprise bungee jumping is out.

Snufflefungus: I’m afraid we’re back to the drawing board on this one, old friend.

Linus: Not quite, I have an idea!

~~ Later…

Malex: Wow, this is a real page-turner. I just love quietly sitting and reading.

Horde: Surprise!

Malex: (Screams)

Linus: Happy birthday!

Snufflefungus: Happy birthday, Malex!

Malex: Who are all these people?!

Linus: Oh, we thought you wanted some excitement, so we hired a professional surprise party firm!

Snufflefungus: They came right away!

Party Guest 1: (Yelling) Hey guys, how loud do you think this stereo can get?

Party Guest 2: Happy birthday man, good to meet you. So where do you keep your food?

Malex: (Whining) Oh man. So much for peace and quiet!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.